Solace

Went H&M today.
The queue was epic.
But honesty, the place is like a castle.
H&M, I have utmost respect and admiration for you.
You decline to be in ion, or any other places rumored to have you.
And chose a place that stands alone, that opens on its own.
Such a brilliant strategy to get the name and fame across.
Seriously, I AM IN ULTIMATE AWE.
And you're my role model, for sure.

One day, just one day.
Imma be just like you.
Thats my dream, biggest dream.
But of course, above that, the biggest of the biggest has to be still to buy my mum a big house, and all the furniture she could ever want.
Oh, and i have a new dream too.
Gonna get a little, cosy shop for her too.
This new dream should be the closest one i can fulfill first.

Well, since i gave H&M a skip today,
We spend our time at 313 instead.
So went ZARA and F21.
There wasnt much, but i brought two of the cutest crop shirts EVER!
Im in love.

Went to do my face.
And honestly, today, my face looks the prettiest.
I mean, my skin.
My face never changes, just the skin.

Well, i havent been talking much to ppl nowadays.
Sometimes i talk to much to my parents, a lot of rubbish that i dont think they need to hear.
And just sometimes, they ignore me, which im cool about it.

Cas, sadly, i think im deprived.
I thought i could satisfy myself on Thursday.
Apparently, its seems no one was as free as me.
Then i realised, oh ya, you self deluded girl, no one owes anything.
Just because YOU are free, doesnt mean others are, doesnt mean their plans include you.
So, i made memories with myself on Thursday.
Mind talking to my dearest baby cupcakes, Emi and Hermi.

Anyways, im having weird dreams too.
And when i say weird, believe me, its REALLY out of line.
I dreamt about primary school friends that i just knew but never talked to.
I dreamt i and Xian were back together.
I dreamt my mum got me a big doll house and i was honestly, HONESTLY, really happy.
It really felt like REAL and i was REALLY HAPPY.
Over the doll house.
I always wanted a doll house.
And more, that over the days, i slowly forgot about.

Why im fussing over dreams is because, for me,
Its not normal for me to get dreams like this and then ending up waking up feeling horrible.
So yup, somethings not right about me again.
Something im not conscious about, but my mind and body is.
So, yup.

Well, one last thing though.
Been thinking about this guy in school that i have never talked to.
I mean, im a teenager, so things like this come by pretty often.
But just thought i'll share.
He's been on my mind often, on and off.
But i think im just a little lonely, thats all.
He seems nice anyway.
Sometimes i hear him on the piano alone.
And i'll listen to the music he plays,
Gentle on the notes, and just a lot of feelings.
Like he could play a happy song, but all i hear is his solace.
And sometimes, i think he's going through the same thing as me.
And if i could play the piano, i think i would play it just like how he does.
A mind full of dreams, full of hopes, need for love, need for recognition,
Sometimes, just a need for simple things like having dinner with someone, having someone who tells you stories, just someone that smiles at you, full of admiration, full of love.

Thats how i felt of him.
And sometimes i do wish i knew him.
To be his friend, the very least.
He's almost close enough to say i know him, but i dont, mostly cas i have guts of an ant.

But then again,
My dreams about boys, they never become reality.
So, i make fake memories, which isnt so bad as it sounds really.
It makes me happy, for a while, i guess.