Getting my shit going.

Here i am again.

Been thinking alot lately.
Maybe because im pretty darn free.

You know, im beginning to hate Facebook.
Not only for their pretty shitty, lagging iphone app.
Their really shitty, full of error, slow crap shit photo uploading function.
But also for all the shitty ppl who have boyfriends and all the gleeful photos that makes me feel like a stupid loner.
Esp, the ones with boyfriends that can drive,
Oh god, would you please kill me already.

I know, im just plain ass jealous.
Yet jealousy is the least of my agony.
But like, when would my time come.
Boohoohoo.
And it isnt gonna be better since, yes, im having a freakishly long holiday now,
And while ppl can use all this time to smooch and cuddle, im here, rolling around the house, like literally, no joke, rolling around the freaking house, with the most absolute horrible feeling of loneliness and useless-ness.

So many people are overseas now, like, seriously, in this generation, ppl grow money on trees to fly their asses around the world.
Im not saying im a poor ass, just seriously, wth, it wasnt like this a few yr's ago.
Rmb the times when the mention of flying overseas means you're some rich ass kid and everyone envies you and shit.
And there are ppl that actually no sit, no fly plane before kinda thing.
But now, its like meh, planes, thats nothing, been on a helicopter dude, went to see a zillion waterfalls, oh and skydiving, ate snow, but thats nothing, cas there was skiing, scuba-diving, Eiffel tower, meh, it nothing.

Okay, im going way too far off the point.
The point is,
I dont have a boyfriend okay, and im bored as hell and its pisses my ass off.

But thats not the full story.
Cas' just a while ago, an hr ago, to be exact,
Something came to me.
While sitting on the toilet bowl of course, i mean, thats when all the shit happens.
I mean, thoughts and ideas generate.

Today, we had to pick my bro up from the campsite.
But he was held up a little.
So my dad, mum and myself, we popped over to the yacht club.
We are members there, i dunno why the hell so, since we nvr ever go there.
Well, anyways, there were boats there and stuffs.
And maybe i didnt see the glee in my dad's eyes, nor did my mum.
But she told me, that my dad told her a while afterward that he wanted to retire.
And she asked me what would i think i would be doing four yr's from now.
And of course, my answer was, "Open a shop! Be famous and rich!"
I think i didnt really thought of the reality of it till a while ago.

I mean, all along i keep thinking of my dreams, my goals in life, how am i to get there.
And all along i keep thinking, im still young, i have quite some time to spare to get where i want to go.
Which is true, im young.
But what about my parents?

It hit me real hard.
What about my mum's dream?
And my dad's, which i have just found out today.
It hit me that, they are waiting for me.
For my bro too, i guess.
And yes, i did mention i wanted to fulfill my mum's dream of having a huge house which she can decorate to no end.
The extend of this dream is not what's bothering me, it is the time.
How long can i get this done?
Maybe it was triggered by the fact that she became a little ill a few days ago,
She's fine, my dad's fine.
But each year i grow, each year they wait, they grow a year older, a year weaker.

And you know what they say about old people, its a fact no one can avoid even if they want to.
And it came upon me, that whatever that should happen, i'll never ever forgive myself for making them wait so long for me, and didnt get whatever they wanted in the end.

So my point is, i dont think i have a lot of time.
Not that im implying that my parents will not live long enough.
But the fact that i want to give it to them, as early as possible.
You know right, the longer you have it, the longer the enjoyment.
And all i want is for them to retire early, to become happy earlier.

You may think, oh, im just doing all this for my parents, what about my own life.
Well, this is something that i truly want, more than my own dreams, i dare say.
So thats practically what i wanna and gonna live for-my parents.
Of course, to get there, i gotta fulfill my dreams first and be successful at that before i can afford anything.

So going back to my first point.
Maybe i should finally grow up.
Maybe i should realise, there's more to my life than just freaking out about how i cant find a boyfriend, about how i cant find friends to go out with, how i feel lonely and useless,
when i can use the time to figure out how do i get my life going.
To figure out and eventually find my first step to getting to my goals.

If im ever gonna make a difference in this world,
I gotta start growing up now,
Gotta be brave now,
And get this shit going.
Like seriously.